Facts not feelings
How often do you believe your thoughts? Let’s say you’re going through a rough patch with a friend. While you’ve texted to each other consistently for the last 10 years, you’ve noticed that recently your friend is taking longer than usual to respond. Messages she used to respond to within hours are now leaving you left on read. You notice she’s still active on Instagram, posting and updating her stories regularly, but it still takes her days or even weeks to respond to you.
Where did your mind take you after reading the above scenario? If you’re like many of my clients, you may be thinking some version of “my friend probably hates me now” or “What did I do to make her upset?” or “I wonder if she’s told everyone else how much she hates me and now I’ll have no friends?”
You’re probably feeling overwhelmed, sad, confused and even angry. It’s easy to identify those feelings as evidence - or even proof - that your worst fears have come true. You may even start to beat yourself up, become depressed, anxious, or plain angry. All of a sudden, you’ve let your feelings and your thoughts take over so the story is no longer a hypothetical, but a definite scenario - no alternatives allowed.
If you experienced any of the above thoughts, noticed your heart start to race or your palms get sweaty, I have so much compassion for you and you are not alone. I’d like to offer you a reminder that your feelings are not facts. While they may feel real - feeling anxious may often lead to feeling a rapid heartbeat or getting that heavy feeling in your chest - this does not mean that your feelings are ultimate truths.
Consider instead that your feelings are guides - they offer important clues and insight into what you need to attend to in your body and mind. While they may feel convincing, or may come with evidence, or may “prove” everything you’ve ever thought or worried about - your feelings are not the truth. The next time you notice your brain wandering or making up a scenario based on a few facts and how you feel, I encourage you to consider that your worst case scenario may be nothing more than a cluster of feelings, and that we don’t have to believe everything we feel.
Learn more by visiting these popular resources:
https://elemental.medium.com/my-therapist-says-feelings-arent-facts-d76510013e8e
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201310/feelings-aren-t-facts